Sex Starved Wives - Don't Get No Satisfaction

Sex Starved Wives are slowly emerging from the closet.  In the past they have been ashamed to admit they want more sex from their husbands, but not anymore.   

Sex therapist Bettina Arndt, who is the author of The Sex Diaries, said four out of 10 sexually frustrated women she has worked with had ended their relationships because of problems in the bedroom. Sydney psychologist and sex therapist Serena Cauchi said she had also noticed this new trend.

"It is not as uncommon as you would think. Women may react just as men may do in this situation; some have affairs and some choose to end the relationship."

One 42 year old woman confessed she had been sexually frustrated for at least 7 of the 14 years she had been married.  Her self esteem had "taken a battering" because of the constant rejection from her husband. "Having a husband who is hardly interested in having sex with me has made me feel like it's my fault." 

Being a sex starved wife isn't easy especially when you hear your friends complaining about husbands who want sex all the time.

Arndt said more research needed to be done but that proves to be difficult.  Men men aren't willing to talk about the fact that their sex drive has slipped into low gear. 

Infidelity Increases With Rising Hormone Levels

Apparently, women with higher levels of the sex hormone estradiol, engage in more sexual activity.  This is according to research that was done at The University of Texas at Austin.

The researchers measured the participants' hormone levels at two points during each women's ovulatory cycle and then asked them to rate their own physical attractiveness.  The women also answered  survey questions that measured their propensity to cheat on their partner.

It was found that a woman's estradiol level was positively associated with self-perceived physical attractiveness.  And, women with higher levels were also reported a greater likelihood of flirting, kissing and having a serious affair (but not a one night stand) with a new partner.   

The conclusion reached was that highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by their long-term partners and are motivated to seek out more sexually desirable men.

Now I wonder if this latest info gives us a new excuse to make cheating okay?  I suppose if you are looking for a reason you can always find one. 

Real Cougars Do Want Great Sex After 50

Can you have hot sex forever? No problem—just stick to a careful diet, regular Pilates and the miracles of modern medicine. At least that's the message we're getting from the recent burst of celebrity cougar mania and new advertising campaigns from pharmaceutical companies promising that hormones will restore our aging bodies to their former glory. But is it reasonable for women over 50 to expect the same level of sexual satisfaction and drive as a 25-year-old? And is this what women really want?

 

Those opening lines came from a Newsweek article written by Barbara Kantrowitz and Pat Wingert.  Check it out for yourself.  

 

Ladies, in my opinion, that is exactly what women really want. It may take a little more effort to embrace the finer things in life after 50, but the juice is well worth the squeeze. 

 

They go on to say, "our role models are women like the experienced stars of "Sex and the City,"enjoying their time beneath the sheets." And then there are those photos of newly svelte Valerie Bertinelli (49) flaunting her toned abs in a bikini. We admire these women for getting out there (especially Bertinelli), who looks incredible".

I love this part of the article the best. What's needed is a reasonable balance between old-fashioned stereotypes and modern hype, combined with a new understanding of what sex means to women of "a certain age." By the time they reach their late 40s or early 50s, women should be savvy enough to know that feeling sexy is a state of mind, and that a good man doesn't need a partner to look perfect in lingerie in order for her to be desirable.  Isn't that what all of us Real Cougars believe?

They end with this.  The bottom line? A happy sex life after 50 is still very possible, but you have to make an effort. Feeling good in your own skin and being open-minded and creative are what sexy is all about.  Our personal favorite role model is actress Helen Mirren, still sexy and glorious and proudly 63. And—by the way—still rocking a bikini.

Nice work ladies.  Keep writing more of these upbeat articles.

Smart Women Have Better Sex

Beauty may bag you a man - but brains will bring you more fun in the bedroom.

Women blessed with 'emotional intelligence' - the ability to express their feelings and read those of others - have better sex lives, research shows. Those most in touch with their feelings have twice as many orgasms as those who are inhibited. The finding could lead to new ways of counselling the 40 per cent of women who find it difficult or impossible to enjoy sex fully.

More than  than 2,000 female twins, aged between 18 and 83, were asked about their sex lives.  They were asked to rate their ability to reach orgasm on a seven point scale, ranging from never to always. They also filled in a questionnaire designed to gauge their emotional intelligence and covering traits such as self expression, empathy and contentment.

Those most in touch with their feelings had the most orgasms, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports.

Lead author, psychologist Andrea Burri, also of King's College, said: 'Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.' 

More than 2,300 women were quizzed about their sex lives for the study, with questions covering the division of time between foreplay and intercourse, and how often the women had an orgasm.  Now it is thought that more attention should be given to improve quality and duration of intercourse rather than foreplay.

Any comments on that Cougars?

Real Cougars Know It's Not Just About Sex

Beth our Real Cougar Correspondent speaks out about sex and relationships. 

 

Women over 40 aren't supposed to be sexy.  We are denied our claim to sexuality and often ridiculed for being the beautiful, fit and sensual beings that we are.  And, with this negative spin around aging, we have to be careful not to buy into the hype. We shouldn't let society and old fashioned thinking get in the way of who loves who.  Nobody has the right to tell us that we haven't got the right to be desirable, sexual beings at 40, 50 and 60.

 

At 48 I have a wonderful relationship with my younger man and it encompasses a lot more than sex.  For over two years it's been filled with love, caring, concern, all the things any good relationship is made up of.  Both  of us have never been happier.  

 

I love feeling sexy, and love having my younger man appreciate that in me.  It's fabulous to be 48 and having the best sex of my life.  Age has not slowed me down, if anything it's taken me to a new level of sexual satisfaction.  Sex is too important to let slip away because of something as ridiculous as another birthday.

Suzanne Somers On Oprah

Oprah did her second show on bioidentical hormones yesterday and there was Suzanne Somers front and center.  How could you even think about doing a show about bioidenticals without having this staunch advocate there to cheer us on?  Suzanne has been beating the drums on this controversial topic for the last ten years and that's exactly what we needed to shake us up.  She admits to being a fanatic about all of this but nevertheless she does get us thinking and that's a very good thing.

It's amazing to me that there are still millions of women out there who still are in the dark about menopause and combating the diseases of aging.  Oprah's show yesterday proved that.  So many women from all over the country are suffering when they don't have to.

The program highlighted a 46 year old  woman from Burlington, Ontario who has been suffering terribly from a severe drop in her hormone levels.  Of course she was unaware of what was making her feel so lousy.  Her quality of life just turned from good to terrible and it happened very quickly.  I was wondering as I watched how it gets that bad without talking to your doctor or at least getting online and doing some research to find out what's going on.

Anyway, this woman was flown from Canada to California about ten days ago and Robin, Dr. Phil's wife, escorted her to the doctor.  She was given a full hormone panel.  That's how she found out she was so deficient.  She was then given her prescription for custom blended bioidenticals.  Just the amounts her  body needs to get her deficient levels back in the normal range.  On yesterday's show just ten days later she was beaming. She had cut her hair, put on some makeup and was wearing bright red.  She said she hasn't felt so good for a very long time.

I have been on bioidentical hormone therapy for the past 12 years and I agree with Suzanne that it is the way to go.  Before I took that big step I spent a year doing my research so I understood my options.  When I started there were only a handful of physicians even talking about bioidenticals and I live in New York City.  I can't even imagine what women were going through in other parts of the country where their choices of doctors was limited.

It's important that you make a choice that is right for you.  Finding the right doctor, a doctor who will explain all your choices is key.  After you make that decision then both of you work together as a team finding the right blend that works best for your body. Don't get discouraged this takes a little time.  But  one day you will wake up feeling like the strong, vibrant, sexy woman that you are and will be for years to come.  

Orgasms and Money - Is There A Connection?

Are "gold diggers" getting a bum rap?  According to the findings of a new study, the more money a woman’s partner makes, the more orgasms that woman has. So forget the shallow stereotype of a young, beautiful woman picking an older, rich man for material interests — she could really be interested in the physical connection.

Researchers from Newcastle University in England are looking at data that shows a relationship between wealth and the enjoyement of sex. A Chinese Health and Family Life Survey questioned 5,000 participants about their personal lives, sex lives, income and other factors. Of the 1,534 women with husbands and boyfriends, the lead researcher found that 121 of these women reported always having orgasms during sex, 408 said they "often" had orgasms, 762 "sometimes" had orgasms while 243 had them rarely or never. There was one factor that stood out to be the most influential in achieving the big "O": the income of their partner.

So Real Cougars do you think that younger men sleeping with an older woman with money experience better orgasms as well?  I wouldn't doubt it. Click here to read more on the findings.

"The New Joy of Sex" - Rewritten with a Woman's Perspective

I am recycling my original blog post about this book because "The New Joy of Sex" is now available here in the U.S.  I am looking forward to reading it because now it is written from the woman's perspective. British sexpert Susan Quilliam added 43 new sections.  Happily the new version won't be glossing over the intricacies of the female anatomy as Dr. Alex Comfort did in the original back in l972.

I think it's important that we reconnect to the joy because we are losing our zest for sex.  According to the Kinsey Institute contemporary women have less sex than their 1950s counterparts because they have so little free time.  

This is what Quilliam has to say. 'I'm glad I'm not ten years younger because there are an awful lot of pressures on young people: to look fabulous; to have a fabulous sex life,' she says. 'We're living in a world where it's important to achieve and whether we have a good sex life has become one of our measures of personal validity. Alex Comfort took the emphasis off achievement - that is one of the many things he got right."

“I think what a lot of the other material out there misses is how powerful sex is; people die for it, literally. One of the ways we've gone wrong in the past is that we haven't recognized its emotional power. Sex isn't a game." 

Cougars That Are Plus Size Having More Sex

Yes, it's true.  A new study shows that overweight women have more sex than skinny ones. In fact, 92 percent of overweight women have a thriving sex life compared to 87 percent of women who are considerably thinner.

The research is based on data gathered on more than 7,000 women. Experts say women who are feeling a decrease in desire should try more erotic methods of stimulation — like reading trashy romance novels for 20 minutes, three times a week.

"There is nothing sexy about housework or PTA meetings or grocery shopping. If that’s taking up all your thoughts, there is no room to think about sex, no matter what your shape or size," Susan Kellogg, director of sexual medicine at the Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute of Graduate Hospital in Philadelphia. "Weight becomes less of an issue when a woman simply feels better and feels sexy."

There's one thing we Real Cougars always have to remember.  Weight is more of an issue for us than for the men in our lives.  Men love a confident woman. They also love women with some flesh on their bones. So start appreciating your body and I guarantee both of you are going to be smiling a lot more.  

Testosterone Patches Jumpstart A Woman's Libido

Good news for cougars!  A new international study showed testosterone, when used with no other hormone therapy, is an effective treatment for low libido in postmenopausal women. More than 800 women from 65 centers in the United States, Canada, Australia, the United Kingdom and Sweden participated in the study, the first to show that testosterone administered by a skin patch can boost sex drive in postmenopausal women.

Previous studies have shown testosterone treatment for low libido is beneficial for women undergoing estrogen therapy. However, this study shows testosterone by itself could be a good alternative for women who do not want to take estrogen.

"What we have found is that treatment with a patch delivering 300 micrograms (ug) of testosterone each day results in meaningful improvement in sexual function in postmenopausal women with low libido who are using no other hormone therapy," said Susan Davis, Professor of Women's Health.

Ask you doctor if testosterone can help get your sex drive off the launching pad.