Sex Starved Wives - Don't Get No Satisfaction

Sex Starved Wives are slowly emerging from the closet.  In the past they have been ashamed to admit they want more sex from their husbands, but not anymore.   

Sex therapist Bettina Arndt, who is the author of The Sex Diaries, said four out of 10 sexually frustrated women she has worked with had ended their relationships because of problems in the bedroom. Sydney psychologist and sex therapist Serena Cauchi said she had also noticed this new trend.

"It is not as uncommon as you would think. Women may react just as men may do in this situation; some have affairs and some choose to end the relationship."

One 42 year old woman confessed she had been sexually frustrated for at least 7 of the 14 years she had been married.  Her self esteem had "taken a battering" because of the constant rejection from her husband. "Having a husband who is hardly interested in having sex with me has made me feel like it's my fault." 

Being a sex starved wife isn't easy especially when you hear your friends complaining about husbands who want sex all the time.

Arndt said more research needed to be done but that proves to be difficult.  Men men aren't willing to talk about the fact that their sex drive has slipped into low gear. 

Helen Gurley Brown - The Original Real Cougar

There has been a debate going on for decades about Helen Gurley Brown (HGB).  Is she a feminist?  How can a woman who has spent 45 years telling us how to please a man in bed possibly be a feminist? How could a woman who ‘pedalled cleavage’, as many critics claimed, be on our side?

What about all those serious, politically active frontline feminists – Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, and Germaine Greer? 

They broke the boundaries didn’t they? Didn't they do the work?  Not Cosmo.What has HGB’s ‘bare your bra rather than burn it’ kind of feminism ever done for you? This is how HGB answers that.

'Feminism,'is about being the best you can be for you. It’s about having the life you want, not the life everyone else wants you to have and living for yourself not through your job, your man, your children. It’s about equality.' 

I would say that brand of feminism is everything I believe in. It's the backbone of a Real Cougar woman. Back in the sixties, it was very controversial. Even today I keep running into brick walls trying to get that message across. HGB's brand of feminism is totally non-judgmental.  It's all about you. 

HGB urged women to work within the system not against it. And she saw no reason to hate men or blame them for all women’s ills.  I agree with that.  Men can help us in our journey - not hold us back.

She used the magazine to get the message across – but the way she did it earned fierce criticism. Her provocative covers – the braless models often looked as if they just got out of bed after a night with Warren Beatty – caused the most concern for feminists of the time.

The way HGB handled sex, emotions and fashion alongside powerful pieces on abortion and single motherhood in Cosmo paved the way for women in power today to be as comfortable talking about what they are wearing as much as what they were doing. 

She opened the debate that gave ordinary normal women a voice and more importantly brought them information about their rights, planted the seed in their mind that there was much more to life than they were being offered.

Helen started the job and now it's up to us to finish it.  Always remember, Real Cougars are strong, independent, confident and refuse to let other people define who we are. 

Cougars - This Is Your Year!

Don't take my word for it, Newsweek is calling 2009 "The Year Of The Cougar".    

In Cheri, Michelle Pfeiffer (51) returns to the big screen and jumps into the sack with a guy about half her age, Rupert Friend (27). In My Life in Ruins, Nia Vardalos (46) romances the Greek actor Alexis Georgoulis (34), and there's not a word of dialogue in the screenplay about her robbing the cradle. In Julie & Julia, Meryl Streep (who turns 60 on June 22) plays real-life kitchen cougar Julia Child.  And then there's The Rebound, Catherine Zeta-Jones's (39) September movie about dating a 25-year-old guy, andCourteney Cox TV show Cougartown.

Demi Moore and Katie Couric aren't to blame for all this, and Hollywood insiders are pleading innocence, claiming that they aren't necessarily trying to hop on the cougar bandwagon

But that raises the question: are cougars really what women want to be?  And that's where all of this gets dicey.  What is a cougar???

Women over 40 are not predators on the prowl for younger men. In my Real Cougar community we have thousands of women - corporate women, successful entrepreneurs, smart women who are in loving relationships with younger men. How does this make them predators?  I am so tired of the outdated, prejudicial double standard that society insists on imposing on us.  Men never have had to endure this embarrassing display of disrespect on or off the screen.

Go ahead and read the Newsweek article.   And in case you don't have time right now, I want to tell you how they decided to end their piece. "Here's to you, Hollywood, for trying something old and something new. But by next year at this time, the cougar will probably be extinct".

That's where they are so wrong.  Older women and younger men have been falling in love since time began and that's not about to stop anytime soon.   So just get over it!

Real Cougars Loving Who We Are

I am talking to Real Cougars all the time.  A large majority of them are in relationship with or married to younger men.  These women range in age from 40 to 60 and their love interests are men 27 to 40. 

Are they happy?  You bet they are!  Are there problems?  You bet there are!  The biggest problem is we still live in a society where the double standard is alive and well.  What's okay for the male isn't necessarily okay for the female.  The only way we are going to change those antiquated perceptions is to be a shining example that these relationships do work.  That both people are there for the right reasons - love, support, and happiness.

One thing I have noticed is that the men in cougar relationships are not getting the support they need.  Just like the women who are misunderstood - so are the guys.  The difference is women will find someone to talk to but for a man that's a lot more difficult.  

Just last week I got an email from a women who told me that her friends and family did an "intervention".  They all got together to convince her that the man in her life was only there for his personal gain and she should run for the hills.  I don't think this would have happened if her guy was of a similar age.

Do we have to change what other people think to be happy?  Of course not.  Happiness is an inside job but we can shine example.  We are smart, confident, accomplished women who strive to enjoy life to the fullest.  Real Cougars refuse to be defined by the age of the man we are with. We know life's too short to worry about what other people think.   

Real Cougar Michelle Pfeiffer in "Cheri"

Michelle Pfeiffer is once again playing the part of a Real Cougar. In 2007 she starred in "I Could Never Be Your Woman" and now it's "Cheri" which premieres June 26th.

"Cheri" takes place in turn of the century Belle Epoque Paris.The sensational tale begins as the ravishing Lea (Michelle Pfeiffer) contemplates retirement from her renowned stature as Paris’s most envied seductress to the rich and famous. Her plans are cut short when she is approached by a former courtesan and arch rival, the barb-throwing gossip Charlotte Peloux (Kathy Bates), who encourages Lea to teach her disaffected 19 year-old son— a bon vivant nicknamed “Chéri” (Rupert Friend) — a thing or two about women.

The resulting escapades involve power struggles over sex, money, age and society – and unexpectedly, love itself — as a boy who refuses to grow up collides with a woman who realizes she cannot stay young forever.

It would appear that the strugges haven't changed very much throughout the years.  Aren't we still faced with exactly the same challenges - sex, money, age and society? 

I will be attending the preview screening of "Cheri" in New York.  I will also be participating in a panel discussion after the movie.   Please stay tuned because in a few days I will be telling you how to attend a screening in a city near you.

Real Cougars Do Want Great Sex After 50

Can you have hot sex forever? No problem—just stick to a careful diet, regular Pilates and the miracles of modern medicine. At least that's the message we're getting from the recent burst of celebrity cougar mania and new advertising campaigns from pharmaceutical companies promising that hormones will restore our aging bodies to their former glory. But is it reasonable for women over 50 to expect the same level of sexual satisfaction and drive as a 25-year-old? And is this what women really want?

 

Those opening lines came from a Newsweek article written by Barbara Kantrowitz and Pat Wingert.  Check it out for yourself.  

 

Ladies, in my opinion, that is exactly what women really want. It may take a little more effort to embrace the finer things in life after 50, but the juice is well worth the squeeze. 

 

They go on to say, "our role models are women like the experienced stars of "Sex and the City,"enjoying their time beneath the sheets." And then there are those photos of newly svelte Valerie Bertinelli (49) flaunting her toned abs in a bikini. We admire these women for getting out there (especially Bertinelli), who looks incredible".

I love this part of the article the best. What's needed is a reasonable balance between old-fashioned stereotypes and modern hype, combined with a new understanding of what sex means to women of "a certain age." By the time they reach their late 40s or early 50s, women should be savvy enough to know that feeling sexy is a state of mind, and that a good man doesn't need a partner to look perfect in lingerie in order for her to be desirable.  Isn't that what all of us Real Cougars believe?

They end with this.  The bottom line? A happy sex life after 50 is still very possible, but you have to make an effort. Feeling good in your own skin and being open-minded and creative are what sexy is all about.  Our personal favorite role model is actress Helen Mirren, still sexy and glorious and proudly 63. And—by the way—still rocking a bikini.

Nice work ladies.  Keep writing more of these upbeat articles.

Cougar Town - Coming in September

Can a woman of a certain age be a mom, a successful career woman and be brave enough to date younger guys.  Jules Cobb (Courteney Cox) is about to give it a try.  Here a sneek peak at ABC's Cougar Town - take a look.

In a small Florida town, the center of high society is the Cougars high school football team. Jules desperately doesn't want to be thought of as a cougar, but with an ugly divorce behind her and 40 staring right back at her, she's longing for a little more action in her life.

The available men her own age, like her silver fox of a neighbor, Grayson Ellis, only seem interested in dating barely legal hotties -- which is awkward considering he's also her teenage son Tad's therapist. Egged on by her very married and very irreverent best friend Elle and her determined assistant Laurie, Jules reluctantly dips her toe back into the dating pool. To her surprise, she hits it off with a nice young guy named Bobby -- emphasis on the young -- and discovers she still has what it takes.

The creators of Cougar Town call it a single-camera comedy that dares to tell the truth about dating after divorce.  We'll see.

Cougar Relationships Still In The Closet

You would think in today's world the older woman and younger man relationship would have become ho-hum.  After all since time began older men have been enamored with younger women with nary an eyelash batted. 

Last week I received an eye-opening email from one of my Real Cougars. Her name is Nan and she lives in Virginia.  Nan is 50, her husband is 27.  She told me that even though they are incredibly happy, others don't understand or accept their union.  Even her 14 year old daughter, who is crazy about Mom's new hubby, is embarrased to bring her friends home. 

Guess happiness still doesn't trump public opinion.    

Very often cougar couples are mistaken for mother and son.  Here's what Nan has to say about that.  "It's not our goal to embarrass those who assume. But, eventually, we get to the saturation point where we have endured enough scrutiny, and feel compelled to set the record straight".  She went on to say, "people assume it's all about sex and money and that's just not true". 

Real Cougars know there are many ingredients that contribute to a solid relationship.  They also know women over forty are not on the prowl because we don't have to be. 

So here we are, Real Cougars working toward educating and uneducated society.  Women just want to be treated fairly.  It's time for gender discrimination to end once and for all. We've come a long way baby - but clearly not far enough.   

Real Cougars Are You Looking Older Than You Should?

My friends Deborah and JoJami at Fabulous After 40 say that too many women are looking older than their years.  Here is a small list of the mistakes that date us.  So many potential beauties have no clue that they are aging themselves without knowing it.

So just in case you haven’t taken a good lately, check yourself out.  And, be totally honest about rating your chic factor.

1. Frump ~ Are you stuck wearing your favorite old t-shirt and jeans? Time to trade them for something else. Believe it or not, it IS possible to look good and still feel comfortable. Just getting a cute running around  sports outfit that matches will make you look and feel better.
2. Yellow Teeth ~ Say no more… that’s a no brainer. Especially if you like to wear red lipstick, your teeth will even look more yellow! Ouch!  FYI. Those white strips at the drugstore work well, so no need to spend a lot of money.
3. Dated Sunglasses ~ Ask your kid or if you don’t have one, find one around to ask. They will tell you if you’re hip or not. Big is in, so you should have some that are large with wide sides.
4. Petite Purse ~ We are seeing alot of women over 40 out there with very dated looking purses. Ladies, wake up and get a fun new bag. Oversized is in and will perk up your outfit and hip factor instantly!
5. Ugg, its Uggs ~ If your wearing Uggs, just know that so is every other teenager out there. Yes, they are comfortable, but there are other styles and boots that will achieve the same thing. Stay clear. At your age you don’t want to be competing with the younger crowd.
6. Make-up, too much, too little, just right? ~ Here is what we are seeing: The bad: Too much eye-liner, frosted lipstick, blue eyeshadow. Too Little: Not wearing makeup is just as bad as too much. At least, please use under-eye concealer, a natural lipstick and  draw in your eyebrows. Just right: You should be natural looking but still wearing make-up.  That means foundations, blush, lipstick, mascara, eyebrows, etc….  Yes it’s work, but its worth it!
7. Chewing gum is not an accessory ~ When you chew gum in public it is not attractive and can ruin a great outfit! It will totally ruin any look you’ve worked so hard to put together.

I am starting a new service for all you Real Cougars - Marvelous Makeovers. I have assembled a team of the very best experts in anti-aging medicine, fashion, skincare, hair and makeup to help me.  Here are a few of the exciting things you can expect:

• the latest and greatest in skin rejuvenation
• lessons on how to properly apply makeup that is age appropriate
• creating just the perfect hair cut and color to enhance your new look
• shopping for a wardrobe that is both sexy and sophisticated
• balancing your hormones to feel fabulous
• access to the he latest non-surgical face and body treatments

I want to send out a big thank you to all my loyal Real Cougar supporters.  I love you and wish you all the most wonderful Mother's Day ever.   

Real Cougar - Marilu Henner

I am excited - this Friday, May 1st Marilu Henner will be our special guest on The Real Cougar Woman Unleashed radio show. She has lots of great stories and tips on how to stay fabulous over 50.  You won't want to miss it.  Listen to the live broadcast, where you will be able to call in and chat with Marilu, or catch the podcast right here on this blog.

Marilu is well-known for her many leading roles on television, in feature films, and on the stage. Her breakthrough as an actress came in the late 1970s, when she starred as Elaine Nardo in James L. Brooks' hit TV series Taxi. She later starred in Evening Shade, a CBS sitcom that also starred Burt Reynolds.

She has been one busy gal appearing in more than 30 films with such leading men as Richard Gere, John Travolta, Steve Martin, Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve, Jeff Goldblum, Michael Keaton, and Tom Berenger.  But her first professional acting work came on stage as Marty in the touring company of Grease, a role she later played on Broadway. Ms. Henner has continued to take roles in musicals, playing to rave reviews following Anne Reinking as Roxie Hart in the 1996 Broadway revival of Chicago, and later as Annie Oakley in the national touring company of Annie Get Your Gun.

Ballroom dancing — as well as ballet, tap, jazz and modern— has been part of Marilu's life ever since her childhood in Chicago. Her love of dance goes hand-in-hand with her work on health and fitness. She offersonline nutrition and fitness classes at (www.marilu.com), hosts a new television series called Shape Up Your Life for the Discovery Networks, and has written a series ofNew York Times best-selling books on the subject.

So you see Marilu has lots to talk about.  Don't forget to listen this Friday at 11AM EDT.