Divorce After 50 - A Growing Trend

Have you noticed lately that more and more couplesin their 40's, 50's & 60's are getting a divorce?  Sadly, marriages are keeling over like ninepins, but now it's the women who are instigatingthe separation.  And, it's not because she has someone in the wings just waiting to keep her warm at night. Greater economic independence and the fact that 50 no longer spells the end of the road for women are just two of the reasons for the ever- spiraling divorce rate among older couples.

For better or for worse, Real Cougars are the first generation of women to turn traditional ideas of middle age on their head. We're back in the work force, and with more money and knowing that we can take care of ourselves financially, we are making very different decisions.  We are choosing where we want to be not where we believe we have to be.

If a woman's financial position is no longer a barrier to her moving on from an unhappy marriage, neither does age seem to hold us back from trying our luck romantically.We look better  -  and feel younger  -  than ever before. Whether it's with the help of a nip and tuck or Botox, or less drastically a sensible diet and exercise regime, we can still turn heads well into our 50's and 60's.

Our generation is more more prepared to approach our last few decades with a new set of priorities  -  albeit sometimes unprepared for the problems that can accompany them.

We need to approach our next act intelligently.  Before moving into the dating arena it's important to spend some quality time with ourselves deciding what we want most going forward. We also have to pay a visit to our doctors to get an education on STD's.  Things have changed a lot since we were out on the dating scene so it's important to be prepared for all situations.

Have you noticed lately that more and more couplesin their 40's, 50's & 60's are getting a divorce?  Sadly, marriages are keeling over like ninepins, but now it's the women who are instigatingthe separation.  And, it's not because she has someone in the wings just waiting to keep her warm at night. Greater economic independence and the fact that 50 no longer spells the end of the road for women are just two of the reasons for the ever- spiraling divorce rate among older couples.

Cougars Getting Help Finding Jobs

I don't have to tell you that times are tough. This recession has delivered a severe blow to household incomes all over the country.  Today women who have not been employed in a long time have no choice but to return to the workforce. Many of these women are the Real Cougars in our community.  I have talked to many of them and they are nervous. They want to work but also want flexible work hours. They have found that can be a daunting task.

To try and find some answers I spoke with Allison O'Kelly, CEO of Mom Corps.  Her company offers full service staffing in Atlanta, Boston, Charlotte, New York and Washington.  They also offer franchising  opportunities to select markets throughout the United States.What's really great is Allison's specialty is finding jobs for women that offer flexible hours.

Here's how it works. Mom Corps supply companies top-tier, professionals “on demand”, while enabling their candidates seeking flexibility to pursue their professional careers. With Mom Corps, companies have immediate access to top talent. Once registered, candidates can search and apply directly to active jobs, access resume writing services, attend Mom Corps University workshops, and find tips, articles, and information on their “MOM-ents” blog to help them transition back into the workforce or into a new role.

Employers post jobs, search candidates, view resumes matching their criteria, and invite top candidates to apply directly to their job. In addition to offering employers access to candidates through the online Job Board, Mom Corps also performs contingent searches for clients.

So, if you are a Real Cougar looking for work, go take a look around Mom Corps.website. They have helped a lot of women and chances are they can help you too.

Real Cougars Soar On The Wings Of Our Buying Power

The world's population is becoming predominantly more female. This year, Real Cougars between the ages of  40 and 64 will be the largest demographic in the US and we're just starting to build momentum.  We truly are the new wonder women so let's show them how we are capable of changing this world.

We influence 80 percent of the $2.1 trillion in consumer goods purchased each year.  We are the largest segment of the population reports brandchannel.com, a website on global branding.

The implications here are profound. We've long known that money talks, and the message we're sending out is don't mess with a Real Cougar Woman with with credit cards.

 In my opinion,our buying power is much sexier than posing naked on a magazine cover.  We don't have to use our sexuality to prove we still have what it takes.  Just last week I was asked why so many women over 40 are posing naked.  Here's what I told the New York Post.

I think it's ridiculous that we still struggle so hard to get the respect we deserve. Let's face it Real Cougars are still considered predatory.  Society is finding it really hard to let go of old stereotypes and accept the fact that we are smart, financially independent, and proud to be over 40.

2010 is The Year Woman Soar Like Never Before.  I know our buying power will be the wind beneath our wings.  No longer will we have to follow -  it's our turn to lead. 

Working Cougars Resent Being The Main Bread Winner

Many women over 40 are becoming frustrated when they find themselves the main bread winner in the family after their husbands are laid off.  Growing up in the 60's women expected to be swept off their feet by Prince Charming, then to settle down, have a family and be supported by their husbands.  But, as we know life doesn't always work out the way we plan.

 

Today, many wives are losing respect for their husbands as they are forced back to work to support their families.  In effect, Cinderella is now taking care of Prince Charming and this role reversal it placing a big strain on marriage.  If these relationships are going to survive, it is essential to deal with the combined feelings of disappointment felt by women and the weight of failure felt by men when their previously well-defined roles become blurred. 

In fact, what they need to do is to learn new strategies to deal with the imbalance or face seeing their marriage falling apart altogether.

Here's a few tips.

• Discuss your new roles in detail. You two may have very different expectations of each other, which can quickly lead to arguments during this stressful transition time.
• Embrace your status as breadwinner. It’s natural to feel pressure when you’re the only one getting paid, but instead of letting it paralyze you with fear, use this experience to rev up your career. Ask about new projects you can take on or if you can interview for the position above your current one.
• Experience the frustration. It’s not helpful to pretend any negative feelings you have don’t exist.
• Cut your husband some slack. If you’ve never been an at-home mom, you cannot comprehend how immensely difficult it is. 
• Expect the potholes. There will probably come a time when either you or your partner will express dissatisfaction with the new arrangement. Don’t pull the plug just yet. Address the problem and discuss solutions that make both of you happy before you rearrange the household again.

Cougars Are Kicking The Double Standard In The Butt

Real Cougar women everywhere think it's time to bring down the outdated double standard.  We are ready to put on our pointy toed stilettos and give it a quick kick in the butt. And why wouldn't we?  This unfair imbalance that puts men in the driver seat has been around far too long. And, women all over the world are feeling too much like second class citizens.

The double standard is very evident in the workplace.  Women are   earning only 78 cents for every dollar a man makes.  Is that fair?  We do the same jobs, produce the same results, have the same tenure, but our paychecks are falling short. 

A man who is aggressive is considered smart.  A woman who is aggressive is considered a bitch.  Society expects guys to be aggressive, but is repelled by women who invest the same effort in securing what they want. 

And, the inequality doesn't end in the workplace, it rears it's ugly head in our relationships too. Real Cougars know this only too well. If an older man chooses to be with a younger woman he gets the high-five from his buddies and it becomes a badge of honor.  On the other hand, if an older woman is in a relationship with a younger man, she is thought of as a desperate predator and is ridiculed by other females. How ridiculous is that?

Here's the bottom line.  We have a lot more work to do and we want to do it our way.  In the past women have tried to gain equal status by thinking, acting and dressing like a man. Now it's time to tap into our rich reservoir of  feminine power and bring a new awareness to how resourceful, how intelligent and how effective we really are.  

That's what The Real Cougar Woman is all about. We are all working to swing the pendulum back to center doing it our way.

The Shriver Report - A Woman's Nation

“The Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything,” is a comprehensive study examining a social transformation unfolding right now.  For the first time in history, one-half of all U.S. workers are women, and mothers are the primary breadwinners or co-breadwinners in two-thirds of American families. 

This multifaceted report – including a comprehensive national poll conducted by The Rockefeller Foundation in partnership with TIME Magazine – looks at the changing face and attitudes of the American worker and how it's impacting our lives as  families that no longer conform to the traditional paradigm, where men work outside the home and women are stay-at-home homemakers. 

 

This report contemplates what a new America should look like after we finally embrace this important new dynamic and address the challenges not as ‘women’s issues’ but as fundamental issues important to the livelihood and well being of both men and women.

 

Sunday's "Meet the Press" will kick off NBC's week of programming that addresses the changing roles of women. To read more about The Shriver Report just click on this link.http://www.awomansnation.com/

Real Cougars Aren't Afraid of Money

For most women, money is never just money.  It is love, power, happiness, security, control, dependency, independence, freedom and lots more. Money reaches deep into the human psyche.  Money is a sensitive button and when it’s pushed, deeper issues always emerge.  As far as we have come money is still a taboo topic. Women don’t often talk about money.  The silence is a shield for the shame, guilt and anxiety that is felt about how they deal with their own financial situation.

Women are typically the givers and always putting others before themselves. Financial guru Suze Orman says, “I simply want you to give TO yourself as much as you give OF yourself. By taking care of yourself financially, you will truly be able to take care of those you love.”

Women have had a dysfunctional relationship with money for far too long. The time has come to assume responsibility for your own financial future.  To make that happen you have to get rid of your psychological blocks and then create a new paradigm that invites prosperity into your life.

Just like losing weight, you have to get to the bottom of what is really causing that “stumbling block” in order to conquer it.

Cramer vs Stewart - Worth Watching

Jim Cramer's Thursday appearance on Jon Stewart's Comedy Central program has gotten a lot of buzz.  Stewart asked a lot of tough questions and took Cramer to task for trying to turn financial reporting into a game.  

There were laughs, but in the larger sense there was nothing funny about CNBC stock picker Jim Cramer's widely anticipated appearance. In response to aggressive questioning by Stewart, Cramer said that he was "chastised" and wished that the financial news network had done more to expose Wall Street corruption.

Here's the video if you want to see it. Cramer vs. Stewart

Stewart repeatedly blasted the channel for cheerleading Wall Street in the run-up to the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression. He questioned whether it was "selling snake oil as vitamin tonic" in a way that was "disingenuous at best and criminal at worse."

"Absolutely, we could do better," Cramer said. "There are shenanigans, and we should call them out. Everyone should. I should do a better job at it. I'm trying."

Stewart concluded by urging CNBC to cut its ad slogan "In Cramer We Trust" and "get back to fundamentals on the reporting.

Any of you Real Cougars watch Cramer?  I must admit I do on occasion - but I'm a Wall Street junkie.  Guess you can't take Wall Street out of the girl.  After spending over 20 years on a trading desk it's in my blood.

 

Work Over Romance - A Good Choice?

Real Cougars may make a conscious choice to be single but that's because they realize how important it is to be with the right guy.  It has nothing to do with making work your only focus and kicking romance to the curb.

But, according to an article I read over at Yahoo Shine, some women are deciding to take the focus off of their love lives and place in totally on their professional endeavors strictly because of our unstable economy.  To me that doesn't sound like a wise decision.

Real Cougars know the value of balance in their lives. All work and no play doesn't make us happy and it sure doesn't make our finances any better.  When we are happy with our love life it has a positive effect on everything else we do.  And, feeling good is very important to us. We don't paint ourselves in corners with either/or decisions.  

One of the women quoted in the article said, sometimes you just have to look out for yourself and sacrifices have to be made. It's a part of life right now in this economy." 

What do you think?  Would you give up romance until the economy improves?

Which Sex Is Suffering More In This Financial Crisis?

This horrible financial crisis is affecting all of us in some way or another.  It seems every day there is a new after shock that has us quaking in our boots.  This week it's Bernard Madoff's $50 billion dollar ponzi scheme.  After months and months of being bombarded by bad news it's natural for it to have an effect on your psyche.  But, which sex is experiencing the worst case of psychological damage?

If you guessed the men, then you are right.  Of course, we all have the right to feel anxious - it's normal.  But something more than anxiety if emerging with the male population.  It's an overwhelming erosion of self confidence.  This is not the same as clinicial depression.  It's believing success and accomplishment is intimately tied to your financial status.  More and more men aren't able to feel confident or good about themselves without the almighty dollar dictating their value.

Richard A. Friedman, a professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, reports his male patients are telling him they used to see themselves as masters of the universe.  Now the present circumstances have cut them down to size.  Dr. Friedman has plenty of female patients who work in finance at high levels, but none of them has had this kind of psychological reaction.  He is now asking himself - do men rely disproportionately more on their work for their self-esteem than women do? Or are they just more vulnerable to the inevitable narcissistic injury that comes with performing poorly or losing one’s job? 

Personally, I think this erosion in self confidence has more to do with how much of your identity is attached to what you do, not your sex.  If money and business are the dominant forces in a women's life, she is more likely to fall apart when it is taken away.  I have experienced the loss of a business identity and it took years to recover.  I have talked to hundreds of other women and I can assure you I don't stand alone in that feeling.  All of us agree it takes hard work to regain faith in yourself and move ahead after a crisis of confidence.

Dr. Friedman's story appeared in Tuesday's New York Times to read it click here.