Gay Couples Can Teach Us About Relationships

When Vermont legalized same-sex civil unions in 2000, researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 couples, including same-sex couples and their heterosexual married siblings. The focus was on how the relationships were affected by common causes of marital strife like housework, sex and money .

Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.

While the gay and lesbian couples had about the same rate of conflict as the heterosexual ones, they appeared to have more relationship satisfaction, suggesting that the inequality of opposite-sex relationships can take a toll.

Other studies show that what couples argue about is far less important than how they argue.  Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.

When they got into these really negative interactions, gay and lesbian couples were able to do things like use humor and affection that enabled them to step back from the ledge and continue to talk about the problem instead of just exploding.

Heterosexual couples need to work harder to seek perspective. The ability to see the other person’s point of view appears to be more automatic in same-sex couples. 

What would happen if we really tried to see the other person's point of view? What would happen if we stopped hurling accusatiaons in the old  "he said - she said" way?  What would happen if before a verbal attack we asked ourselfves - do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?  And the last, but most important question of all, what would you be willing to give up to experience true happiness?

Comments

[cmh4165]

I don't know if my comments are going to be posted or not so I'm posting this again just in case.

This is really because many if not most gay couplles are not stuck in the limited,artificial sexist gender roles and gender stereotypes that most heterosexual couples have been conditioned to. There is a great important 1992 book called,Homophobia:How We All Pay The Price by Warren J.Blumenfeld where he explains all of this very well.