Aging Doesn't Have To Suck - Or Does It?

Okay I have a confession to make.  If you're a reader of this blog you know I'm a staunch advocate who strongly believes that aging is inevitable - how we can is always our choice. I'm always saying to age gracefully, beautifully and healthfully you must take care of your body, mind and spirit every day. But every once in a while I get discouraged.  This is one of those times. Today I'm saying "aging real does suck".

I just got back from Toronto where I spent a week with my Mom.  Mom is 98.5 years old.  She doesn't have a wrinkle on her face and she's lucky because she still has all her marbles.  But, unfortunately aging is having it's way with her as it will with most of us.  She has lost her her passion for eating, her legs refuse to support her any longer, and aches and pains have become the norm.  I think it's now a struggle between body and spirit.  Part of her wants to let go but the other part desperately wants to hold on to what's familiar.  If you could look at this process without emotion it's really quite fascinating, but of course you can't. 

If we're lucky, we're all going to get old.  Nobody likes it but it sure beats checking out at 28 like Health Ledger did this week.  How do we prepare for it?  I'm not sure you can other than taking really good care of yourself and making a conscious decision to find something to appreciate each and every day.

Most of us will be faced with making some very difficult decisions when it comes to our parents.  Role reversal is hard.  Seeing Mom and Dad become the children is horrible.  But you know what?  When we have to we'll rise to the occasion and take care of business.  Prepare for that day as best you can by getting health care proxies and powers of attorneys in order, it makes it easier to deal with the system.

Here's my observation.  As much as you prepare it's always going to be heart wrenching. All you can do is the best you can.  And this is very important - try not to second guess every decision you make it will only make you crazy and not help anybody.  Oh yes, there's one more thing.  Remember to take care of yourself while you are caretaking. That's a must because you'll be no good to anybody else if you don't take some time to recharge your batteries.  That's what I am doing this morning.

Comments

[Marga]

Thank you for your heart opening to a topic that is dear to my heart. Both of my parents passed away when I was in my early 40's and within 14 months of each other.

I'm from Spain, my husband is American and I live in California. A long way away from Spain! At the beginning it was heart wrenching to be torn between my parents and my family life. As time went on, I deepen my meditation and asked for help. I had the blessings to spend 2 months with each of them before their passing.

I found out that this delicate time in our lives is perhaps the most important time, for the person who is passing and the family. Many things are in place; It’s a very special time for deepening our love and appreciation for each other; above all is the personal transformation that is taking place in the whole family, specially in the one who is in transition; from this world to the next.

Letting go, what a powerful word! And we can learn through each moment of our lives how to be ready for one of the most important moments in our existence.

Carol, thank you for sending those deep thoughts from M. Gibson. It’s so true!

[Carol Ann Wiley]

Excellent post. My--what a great gene pool you have--98.5. It is never easy to see our parents age and near death; especially as we get older ourselves.

Before I saw your post, I had just read an article written by freelance writer, Lynn M. Gibson and appearing in Mothering.com.
The following is an excerpt from that article to which I think many daughters will relate.

"By caring for and loving our parents, we hold the key to this recurring, innate circle of life. We teach our own children to care for us, to care for their elders by modeling kindness, acceptance, and by just being there when we’re needed. We teach our children, and remind ourselves, to age with courage, dignity, and grace. We teach them that growing old is mostly a state of mind but sometimes a state of body. They learn the importance of listening closely to their elders, the value of intertwining the generations to carry on tradition in order to create their own traditions.
My mother is sleeping again. Tomorrow will bring new challenges to her body, her soul, and her spirit. Challenges she has never faced before. Challenges her family will face with her but that she must ultimately face alone."

Thank you for sharing a very personal part of your life and your advice in such a positive way for those of us who have already experienced this challenge and especially for those who will undoubtedly face this in the future.